Church is generally considered to be a peaceful place for people to go to worship, pray and reflect. When children are running around or being loud during the sermon it can distract members from hearing the message being delivered. Parents need to recognize that children are rarely disruptive on purpose and that there are simple strategies that can help.
Reasons Children Become Disruptive
Having a good understanding of why some children have a hard time sitting still and keeping quiet for long periods of time is a first step towards helping children endure a church service. There are many reasons why children might experience difficulty behaving during a church service or in other environments requiring reverence. Some of these reasons can include;
- The child is tired, sick, hungry or bored.
- The child thinks he is being helpful.
- The child may not be aware of, or understand clearly, what behavior is expected of him.
Don Dinkmeyer, Sr., Gary McKay and James Dinkmeyer, authors of STEP: Parenting Young Children [American Guidance Service, Inc., 1989], state that "...behaviors that we find troublesome may not really be misbehavior." They go further to suggest that the disruptive behaviour may be due to adults placing "unrealistic expectations" on the children and that when they do misbehave they generally do it without intending to.
How to Prevent Acting Up
Planning ahead can help parents to eliminate many of the usual triggers of disruptive behavior. Here are some ways parents can plan ahead to prevent their child from becoming difficult.
- State expectations and consequences: In her book The Developing Person Through the Lifespan [Worth Publishers, Inc., 1988], author Kathleen Stassen Berger suggests that when dealing with preschoolers, "rules and expectations should be explained in advance, including the reasons behind them and the consequences for violating them." It is also important that the consequences be logically connected to the rule the parent has set about behaving in church.
- Be prepared with distractions in case misbehavior occurs: Parents need to remember that adults have longer attention spans than children and that it may not be realistic to expect a child to sit still and be quiet as long as an adult would be able to. Having a variety of appropriate activities on hand for when children become bored may help to keep children from running around.
- Be aware of the child's usual routine: If the child usually naps just before noon every day of the week, it is reasonable to expect the child will be getting tired as his usual nap time approaches even if it falls during church. Having a couple of items handy to help him fall asleep, such as a favorite blanket and teddy, can smooth the transition to sleep.
What to do When Misbehavior Occurs
Sometimes the disruptive behavior occurs even when parents have tried hard to keep it from happening. If the child is beginning to get too loud or is starting to visit other members without invitation or explore other areas in the chapel, parents can use the following strategies to deal with the behavior.
- Keep an activity bag handy: Keep a bag of activities and a few toys that are used only for church and at no other time. Periodically change toys to keep them from becoming boring. The toys should be appropriate for church and quiet so that they do not distract or annoy other members. Having healthy snacks on hand can be helpful for if the child is acting up because he is hungry.
- Follow through with consequences: When setting consequences before the service, it is important parents are able to realistically follow through with them. Threatening to leave church only works if the parent is prepared to actually leave church and take the child home. Not following through with the consequence that have been set can give the child the message that the parent doesn't really mean business.
- Show respect for others: If the child is not responding to all other methods the parents need to consider removing the child from the main chapel. Other members have a right to be able to hear the sermon . Most churches have an additional room equipped with a speaker that is designated specifically for parents who need to leave the chapel but still want to hear the speaker.
While many congregation members may understand that it is normal for children to become loud from time to time, parents need to make sure their children do not become so disruptive that others can not hear the speakers or are having their personal space invaded. Parents who plan ahead and are aware of their children's routine and temperament will have an easier time helping their children behave.
Colleen Boudreau - As a social worker of twelve years, Colleen has worked with individuals and families helping them to develop healthier living skills and ...
