In order for parents to better understand their impact on their children they first must recognize how they parent. In his book Active Parenting Now (Active Parenting Publishers, Inc., 2002), Dr. Micheal Popkin identifies three specific leadership styles in their parenting. The style each parent uses teaches their children different ways of dealing with life's challenges as they grow up.
The Autocratic Style
Autocratic parents are those who tell their children what to do, how to behave and when to do so without allowing any room for flexibility. This style of parent can also be referred to as dictatorial parenting, because the parent dictates the rules without allowing feedback, discussion, or input from the children or sometimes even the other parent.
These parents are often viewed as being overly strict or controlling. The parent may use commands and give orders to avoid being challenged by their children. If a child pursues his need for an explanation or asserts his opinion, this type of parent may escalate to yelling or even belittling the child in an attempt to regain control and show who is the boss.
One of the main problems associated with this type of parenting is that the children don't learn to think for themselves or make their own decision because they have always been told what to do. This can create problems for them once they leave home as adults, having had no previous opportunities to practice making decisions or problem solve every day issues.
The Permissive Style
Permissive parents are the complete opposite of autocratic parents. They provide little to no structure for their children and allow them to do as they please. Generally there are very little, if any, rules in the home and the few that may exist are not enforced, or are enforced inconsistently.
Children who are raised by permissive parents tend to get used to getting their own way and may rebel against other authority figures who attempt to get them to follow rules - such as teachers, other caregivers, or even law enforcement officers. These children have a difficult time adjusting to independent life once they leave home because they have not been taught the importance of following rules.
In extreme cases, some specific ways in which this can affect these children in their adult life might include:
- Frequently being late for work leading employers to see them as unreliable.
- Not paying bills or rent on time resulting in credit problems or even eviction.
- Not showing up or showing up late for job interviews resulting in long periods of unemployment.
The Authoritative Style
The authoritative style of parenting is a halfway point between the autocratic and permissive parenting styles. Authoritative parents provide a structured environment by using routines, setting limits and enforcing rules, yet they are also flexible and supportive. Children are given opportunities to be part of the rule setting process when appropriate and are provided with limited choices.
This type of environment allows children to make decisions on issues that parents feel are appropriate for their age and abilities, and allows them to experience the outcome of those decisions. As a result, these children learn how to:
- Function within a structured environment.
- Problem solve.
- Gain independence one step at a time.
- Make healthy decisions.
How Parents Can Improve Their Parenting Skills
Parents who are concerned that they may need to make changes to their parenting style can be comforted to know that many local community centers offer parenting courses, often for free. Information on what agencies to contact for this information can often be found by contacting the Community Services Department in their town office, local schools, daycares or other agencies in their community that serve children and families.
Colleen Boudreau - As a social worker of twelve years, Colleen has worked with individuals and families helping them to develop healthier living skills and ...
